Mind movie

 I cant stop the day dream that has been on my mind for the longest time. Things i want to do and the places i want to go. How i want to look when im there. It continues on like a movie all in my mind with every detail possible, sometimes its my escape from reality from the stress and boredom. But it has become so strong and almost over powering. Most the time i dont even want it to stop.
 From how i will have my hair and the scent of my perfume to the way his face glows when the sun shines and the touch of his soft lips, the type of food we will eat and the crowded streets. Even the way he admires me when he sneaks a peak, to the way our skin feels on the silk sheets, and how it feels when our bodies finally meet.
 We are drawn to each other both on a deeper level. You would make me feel so secure i would never have a doubt.

 I  know its all in my head and not reality. But i will always have my fantasies!

Love for a fantasy....

I'm in love with Jonathan Sanchez! Yep from the SF Giants!
I love his face, smile, mug, hot head, pitcher stats, the team he plays for, his race, his swag, and his facial hair!

I'm engaged to a married man

I knew it. Why do people we love have to keep things from us? I knew it all along but did not want to believe it. Seeing it on screen is making me more hurt and even more pissed off then the first time i heard that he was married. Or i should say STILL married. I feel like a fool to have everyone around me know it but me. What a fucking joke. I left my family behind to start a new life with this man who i love so much. Now i feel like what the fuck do i do now?


 First i find out by his step mom who everyone hates that he is still married to this chick that lives in the same city we do. Then his so called mother yells out right in front of me, does she know that your married and her little boy is yours? Oh shit, what else is this guy hiding from me. Hes already lied to me about his first son and now there's a second one with his WIFE? Oh hell no. After that he tells me that they got a divorce, which is another lie to add to the list. Will it ever stop? I cant take any more of this shit, im stressed out with other things already, its holiday season, and now i got this to drown in.


 Now every time i go to Safeway and push in my phone number to save money i dont want to be called Mrs. Vargas. CUZ it is not me who hes married to. Thanks asshole.

Reminiscing on Westmont High

Every once in a while i think back to my high school days. I always knew what my uncle used to tell me was true, you know the old, "When your older and you look back  you are going to miss those days in high school they will be the best times of your life." I know i should have stayed and made things great and made lots more memories then what i have now in high school. I was one of those troubled teens ditching school and running from the police. I don't like to regret things and i do not regret that BUT if i would have stayed in class maybe my life would have turned out different. Who knows?

 Anyway i went to Westmont high school in Campbell C.A. By the football field there is a creek with a hole in the gate so students can slide through it. That is where i used to start my ditching adventures most of the time but the one thing that sucked was at a popular exit out of the creek was right next to my grandmas house, she still lives there, i could not go past that point! There were holes in the gate to stop off at different locations like behind the field of Forrest hill elementary but their yard duties were out bound and would stop and ask questions. Damn do they still call them yard duties?! LOL! I hope not.
 So much fun back then and i miss it sooo much. Well that is why we call them memories, right? Now we have the rest of our lives to make news ones and enjoy what we have right in front of us because growing up is a part of life.

Go Warriors!!

Rappers delight....

 Being a fiance of a rapper that is trying to be known in the Bay Area is not like i ever thought it would be. I remember when i was 13 or 14 watching the cute boys that rapped on their music videos, i thought it would be so exciting, fun, and sexy to have a boyfriend or husband in that type of business but now i know things that i didn't know back then. 
 With fame comes money which brings problems and bitches. I have heard stories of what these married guys do with females that get back stage or females they run into at the Hotel room, club, their music videos, fans, after parties, tours, etc. and they pay these girls that they get down with to keep their mouths shut. I do not want that to happen to me. Don't get me wrong i DO trust my man but i do not trust the dirty hoes that run in this type of game. Or any other type of game.
 I don't want to turn out to be like those basketball wives who are now divorced from the famous hubby's and are left with all the kids and alone. Don't you think it would be hard to find a boyfriend that would be ok with you having ties with someone famous? But that's another story for another time and i hope i never have to find out.
 I want my fiance to be known because that is what he wants, it makes him happy and its his passion in life. I except that but if it brings heavy problems into our relationship and tears us apart then i might have to kick rocks, which it better not ever happen.